No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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