I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
