Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
