It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
