u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
