white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
