You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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