I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
