i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
