hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
