My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
