you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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