you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
