my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk is not a location!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
