I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
