The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
