My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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