he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
