In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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