you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
