Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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