saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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