I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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