I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
