i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
