shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
