youre lurking in front of me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
