I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
