summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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