I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
