i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
