Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
