So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
