Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
