it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
