he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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