playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
