I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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