I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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