Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
