The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
