Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
