So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
