before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
