if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
