I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
