I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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