So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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