well I can't set my house on fire every night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
