somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
