I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
