3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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