I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
