I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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