The maid of honor just puked.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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