Porn is love you can see.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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