Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
