it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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