Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
