Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Randomize
