Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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