don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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