he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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