I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
