Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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