HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
