you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
