The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
