I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
