Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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