we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
