I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
