Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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