Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
